Warning this post is going to be a vent session for me. A big part of this journey are the lows and when being married to a toxic husband there are quite a few lows and I want to be as transparent as possible with you about my lows so you know you're not alone if you are going through the same situations I am.
Okay so lets start with the selfishness... I am a very punctual person and my lovely other half is the farthest thing from punctual (I blame that on his mom, she was a half hour late to our wedding but thats a story for another day). This morning I told him we needed to leave by a certain time for church because our child was part of the music for todays songs. Well like I should've known... 15minutes past the time we needed to leave, he is finally ready. Being late isn't even the biggest reason that this irks me. Its the complete lack of respect for other's time that pisses me off.
As for the obsessive fun today.. we have a pretty big and difficult client, which I am glad this situation fell through but not necessarily the way it fell through. Its a Sunday and even after working 7 days this week he chooses to completely go obsessive crazy on this customer over the stupidest thing in which he is partially wrong but he'd never see that or admit it. So instead of spending a day with me and our children he has been pacing the kitchen setting fires and still going but has moved on to venting to his friends about the situation.
It gets hard knowing that I am on the back burner ALL OF THE TIME! So many things come before me. Work, drugs, friends, phone games, etc. I am staying strong but today is one of those days I just want to lay in bed and ball my eyes out because I am so pissed and lonely and sad etc. So many feelings and he sees none of them.
That's my rant for today... If you are EVER feeling alone or lonely and just need to vent please feel free to use the contact page. You can even write in to have no response if you're worried about your significant other seeing and I won't contact back but know I am reading every word and right here with you!
-J
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