Hey readers! I hope you have a wonderful and safe fourth of July! We celebrated yesterday at our town's fireworks. Yesterday was a good day too. I live for those good days when he is nice. We even got a super cute picture together which rarely happens.
We had to work yesterday morning, just an estimate visit so nothing crazy other than walking around taking notes then putting together material lists etc. On the way there he looked at me and out of no where says "I need to kiss you more" which totally melted my heart. I won't truly believe it until I see some action but it was nice to hear that he's thinking about those things. We have a very low affection relationship and I mean kissing really only happens if I initiate or when we are having sex. And sex pretty much happens once a month if not longer.
My prayers with a purpose have been focused on his marijuana use but I think I might switch gears to praying for affection because if affection is taking the place of his time, the marijuana use may slow down too. Drug addictions are a hard thing to deal with wether on the side of the one with the addiction or with the spouse who is set aside because of the addiction. I try to come at the situation from an understanding point of view the best that I can. Generally, those who are addicted to drugs or alcohol are trying to bandaid hurt or trauma.
When coming at it from that point of view I can pray with the purpose of building our affection to build the love he lacked from family as a child. My husband grew up in a broken home with a mom who worked hard but was not there as much as she probably should've been along with multiple step dads which can cause a lot of confusion and hurt for a child. Having this hard childhood, I don't believe he ever got to see a true good role model on how a man should treat women either. His dad was an addict as well and has a harsh complex and a disrespectful view of women which has leaked into my husband's personality. Thankfully we have made progress from the beginning but it is still hard for him to work out those bad traumas and enjoy the amazing life we have now.
-J
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